Dear Mr. (Expletive), Thank you for pulling out in front of me when I was on my way home tonight. I really appreciate you making a wide turn into my lane as I was coming down a big hill and gathering quite a bit of speed. It's always so much fun to try and make my big, fat SUV stop within a very short distance so as to keep from hitting your small, easy-to-stop car. The grinding sound that my brakes make in said situation is really just music to my ears. I also appreciate the way you decided to tootle right along in the left lane (commonly referred to as the "fast lane"). I was so tired from babysitting three rambuncious children that I doubt I could have been thinking clearly. I guess I should appreciate you making the decision to force others to obey the law, even though you don't have any credentials with the city of Knoxville. It really protects people like me. But what I am most grateful for is the way you decided to finally speed up just as I decided I couldn't sit behind your slow-moving vehicle any longer and made the move to pass you-- only to be pulled over by the officer who was waiting in the dark along a side street. As he took his precious time filing my license and insurance information, I wondered if you two were somehow in cahoots together. However, I think you're just a jerk and he's just doing his job. I would send you my $97.75 speeding ticket for you to pay (since you were so kind as to throw me under the bus on that one-- let's be honest: you were speeding, too), but I don't know you and I couldn't follow you to your home. Had I been able to do that, I can promise you that, if nothing else, you would have had more than enough toilet paper in your front yard to make it to St. Patrick's day without having to purchase more. My hope is that I would have also been able to provide you with an order of fried egg, freshly prepared on the hood of your car. Unfortunately, I will be forced to fork over said money from my own wallet and you will never be given such wonderful gifts. I guess we'll call it even? Again, thanks for being a complete jerk at 10:22pm. There is now a City of Knoxville officer who knows what my "death stare" looks like. Yours truely, Esther M. Peden PS: According to www.cityofknoxville.org/citycourt/, I could have been going 3 more miles over the speed limit and still only paid $98. You gypped me out of 3 miles an hour! Come on! Couldn't you have done better? I like to get the most for my money. | 
